i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
