Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
