Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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