I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
