I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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