I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
