Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
