were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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