Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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