Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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