Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
