Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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