And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
