gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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