Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
