Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
