shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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