I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
