how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Randomize
