It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I need to calm my uterus...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
