she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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