i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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