He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
