I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
