Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Reggie can tackle my bush.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
