conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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