Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
