I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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