Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
