Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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