mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
