you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
