i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
