my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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