You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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