two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
