Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
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we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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