You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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