after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
