Pappa wants mamma naked
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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