He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
