He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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