problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
