I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She's the barista slut.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
