Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
