there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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