Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
