Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
