I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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