I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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