he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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