just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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