cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
