found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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