I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
