I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
