I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
