dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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