remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
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