shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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