connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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