he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
