I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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