I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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