Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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