I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
