Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
