I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
