Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
