New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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