I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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