I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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