if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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