I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
